Assalamualaikum.
I didn't expect to blog so soon after my previous post. But i guess i have to let it out because keeping what's inside of me is really hurting me.
I was just about to get started with burning the midnight oil to get my momentum back. For midterms. And then i realise i could see my assignments' results on the school's website. So i did, i checked, hoping i had improvements because honestly, i was so confident i got the hang of econs. But somehow it didn't happen. The hope of passing my exams shattered after seeing that i failed. And to think that the prof wrote im on the lowest percentile, it's really demoralising.
The pressure the stress the everything is killing every inch of my sanity. Like, im trying. I could see im understanding the concepts but, it didn't happen the way i thought it would be.
And have i already mention that the average of the papers were just 1-2 marks below the maximum marks? And im in the lowest percentile. Im definitely not doing well. At all. It's really really killing me. What's worse? I didnt take H2 math in alevels. That is even killing me more.
Allah knows how badly i wanted to just scream my lungs out. But because i checked in the wee hours, i cant.
And then i cried infront of the parents because i just had to. I couldnt stand everything else, but i took a deeeeep breath and moved on with my work. But then, the excitement died down soon after.
School has just got wayyy tougher than the previous sem because economics is a major bummer. But im staying because i dont want to waste any time. And i dont want to go anywhere else. (More like i dont know where to go) so...
Dear Allah, the only reason why i'm holding on is because i believe you put me here because i can. I need the strength, the courage, the hope. If this was Your way of inflicting trials on me, then please give me guidance to pull this through. It is hard for me, but im trusting You and i shall always trust You. You know whatever i have to say, please hear me out and help me this time. I know ive sinned, but im just Your creation who did nothing but sins. Please help me out. For i believe, You're the final decision maker regarding my success. Give me the strength.
